MinaMeow

I’m a queer genderfucker who confuses most people because my gender isn’t static and presentation isn’t indicative of how I feel. While I often present as femme, I also identify as a boy. All rolled into one, I’m a high femme girly-girl who loves to dress up, a sweet and curious little girl who loves to play with her Miss, a feisty adolescent boy who loves adventure and getting his hands dirty, and a horny teenage boy who loves to fuck pretty little things. Packing in my pleated skirts, I enjoy blurring the lines of masculine and feminine and occupying grey space… both aspects are part of me all of the time, but sometimes I like to dress up and put on the “girl” or “boy”. I go by the name Mina Meow with the preferred pronouns she/hers/her or Aiden with the preferred pronouns he/his/him. (Aiden is more of an aid to help others see my boy side… it’s not really a separate persona so much as a cue for others to see me where I’m at.)

I think I (and many others who identify as trans using the definition transgressively gendered or genderfluid) share a similar experience in that, although “satisfied with our own nature,” we are attempting to express our genders in the way that we feel, but find it difficult to be accepted and received in that way; yet, in our society that places so much value in upholding the gender binary, there is great pressure to “choose one.”

I identify as a boy… but, I also identify as a girl. I’m not looking to transition to the other side of the binary. I like to express the trans-masculine side of me; however, as a boy, I’m a fag (and proud of it.) I enjoy doing high-femme (see my modeling shoot for the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar and you’ll see what I mean); however, it’s a costume, a caricature… who I am at the center is more a blending of male and female. I’ve been noticing body dysmorphia lately and, if anything, that really fucks with my head. I’m comfortable living in the grey area, yet sometimes my body isn’t. It’s weird. I know if I chop off my hair, I’ll have the same issues… except I’ll feel like I can’t pass as a girl (when I want to be one.)

The transgressively gendered/ genderfluid dilemma is thus: how to pass as each gender without sacrificing the ability to switch at will? While I could always do “drag,” it’s not an act for me… it’s an expression of who I really am. I’m not putting on boy clothes. I’m putting on the clothes that match my gender- at least for that moment. That’s an important distinction, and it makes it so that “passing” or being received/accepted as that gender becomes important to me.

My journey has led me to a similar place- to find a way to project my gender in a way that can be received and understood by others… and not just my queer friends who will go along with whatever I tell them. (Hell, I have some amazing friends who would call anyone by their preferred gender pronoun- even if they made absolutely NO ATTEMPT at passing or modification!) I’m hoping to attend Klawdya’s Gender Transformation class at The Floating World this week. She and I have been planning to work together on this for some time now… and this class couldn’t come at a more opportune time.