Girl vs. Woman; Boy vs. Man
Putting away clothes from Winter Solstice and weeks of disarray, I looked into my closet at all the girly clothes I never wear anymore. Putting away my lolita skirts that I took to the event, my mind raced back to a moment during an Opening workshop at OneTaste. I remember standing in the middle of the room with knee high lolita socks, pig tails, and a sarong seductively draped around my feminine form and hear Racheli Cherwitz’s voice in my head as she remarked how fitting that image was. She said I was part woman and part girl, stuck in the Bardo, afraid to become a true woman. Interesting. Suddenly, standing in my room wearing boy undies, faux-hawk, and Addidas pants and t-shirt, I found the irony almost unmistakable. That was two years ago, and I can’t help but wonder: Was I afraid to become a full-woman because I wanted to stay a “girl”, or was I internally aware of a transformation I would embark on before it began?
Peering into my closet and realizing where I’m at, I find it interesting that I identify as “genderqueer”, “transgender”, “girl”, and “boy.” Nowhere in that list is the label “woman” or “man.” I can’t bring myself to wear the clothes that scream “woman” or “man.” They don’t feel authentic or true. It’s weird. I don’t know what to make of it, but it sure is an interesting observation.
It sure will be interesting to see where this journey leads me and what all this means…
hmmm.. very interesting observations. So would claiming ‘woman’ or ‘man’ be just that more serious than ‘boy/girl’? I’m asking that question because I run up against the word ‘man’ sometimes and feel a bit like a pretender and I wonder why. I’m firm in claiming the male personality inside me and I’m of a mature age, so why does claiming ‘man’ challenge me so much?
I don’t know, I’m still figuring it out too.
Kyle said this on February 7th, 2010 at 4:05 pm